Dating with Destiny

Dating with Destiny

Self-preservation and insecurity are just two factors that keep love at bay. Paul A. Falzone, the CEO of the world's largest dating service, The Right One and Together, shares his insight on how to overcome fear of intimacy.

There is nothing more personal than falling in love. And because it’s so personal, failure at it can inflict deep wounds, and a broken heart can seem beyond mending. Emotional wounds usually heal, but their scars often remain, reminders of what wasn’t – and of what might not be again.

The Right One and Together Dating, the world’s largest dating service have some thoughts and advice on how to be braver in affairs of the heart. No one wants to be hurt in matters of love, and – even more – no one wants to be hurt again. Thus the proverb: Once bitten, twice shy. According to the “Dictionary of Cultural Literacy,” that means, “An injury makes a person wary of its cause.”

It is natural to become increasingly hesitant to give love when love previously sought wasn’t returned or wasn’t what was desired. And when it downright backfires – abandonment, breach of trust, infidelity – one can look at love as bundled with more risk than might be acceptable. Yet, love is held as one’s ultimate goal, the fulfillment of one’s deepest need. As the Victorian poet Alfred Tennyson wrote, “’Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

“When we’ve been burned in love, we are often overcome by the fear of being burned again,” says Paul A. Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together Dating, the world’s largest dating service. “That fear can cause us to behave in ways contrary to our ever reaching the goal of really being in love again. But it doesn’t have to be that way.” The basic need of self-preservation can cause one to keep a potential partner at arm’s length. It can be easier to step aside from what might be the real thing – rather than risk it’s not – and replace it with something, or someone, not at all right and, in the end, unrewarding. And that can become a pattern for those living in the shadow of their own fear.

Failure can breed insecurity, which can assault one’s self-esteem and foster self-doubt. Sometimes insecurity can cause one to pursue the wrong partner to prevent the emotional injury of failing to attain the right one. But that just keeps the cycle – and oneself – spinning in a doomed effort to achieve life’s greatest need. “Fear of love is difficult to overcome,” Falzone says. “But it can happen. You can make it happen.”

The first step is to be honest with yourself and recognize what you’re doing. Then the big one: Commit to changing your attitude and your behavior. And that takes work. Overcoming the fear of love is a day-to-day process. It requires reflection and focusing on the changes you want to make. You can change; that choice is there to make.

Talking with close friends or in support groups can help. Sharing your pains and receiving the support of others can reinforce your intentions and give you strength to continue. Meeting new people can help you to be your new self. Freely expressing your personality can give you the confidence to continue to be the real you.

“As you begin your re-emergence into romance, remember one thing,” Falzone says. “Be yourself, your true self. If that’s not right for someone, that’s OK, because it will be right for someone else. Don’t base a relationship on misrepresentation. Your future partner will want to love you for who you are, not for who you aren’t. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

Finding Love from Sea to Shining Sea
The merger of The Right One® with national franchises of Together® created the world’s largest introduction service. The alliance is a marriage of convenience for clients – offering a more consistent product, a greater number of potentially compatible mates and more flexibility in transferring memberships to another geographic region.